Wallow-y Blog Post :(

Remember last post when I said I was handling everything well? Today, it crashed down around my ears. Hard.

I've been sick since Tuesday, and it's been a constant annoyance. And because of it I haven't slept properly since...Tuesday.

This morning Maddie was being a bundle of nerves, and I couldn't figure out why until I went upstairs and found out that she threw up. I tried to comfort her (throwing up terrifies her) and then she threw up some more. Sorry. That's gross. But it's been awful. She's OK now and back to psychotically watching the birds out the back window.

Plus Mike is working today, and is going to go into work again on Sunday. And worked late almost every day this week. I don't know what to think of it, because he's not some brain surgeon where people die in his absence. But it makes him feel better to make sure he's ahead of the game, and apparently this is his busy season. It's just really, really hard.

I've been cleaning all morning and I hate it, and I just burdened my poor mother with a self-pitying sob-fest. I'm a mess. I feel like nothing is going right. But, I know it's not true, and everything is going to fit into place, because, well it has to. I have so many things to be excited about and to work hard for, but right now, nothing fits. It feels like I'm wearing an too-small suit.

Image via

I've had my cry, and I've written a wallow-y blog post, so now it's time for me to buck up, buttercup and get my act together. I'm going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and whatever other cliche feel good-eries I can think of. I'm going to have some lunch, and finish cleaning and, and get in a good head space, and finally sit down and try to actually make some progress reading The Hunger Games.

Moving

Hahahahahahahah
Gross. I look like a zombie this morning.

I failed to wash my face before bed last night, and now I look like the dead, reanimated. Gross. Hahahha. But I couldn't help but share.

I've been totally neglectful of emails, and tweets and blogs lately because of the whole closing on our house. There were a bunch of last-minute sagas that I can't bring myself to relive yet, but we DID end up closing. On Friday. So all the papers are signed, we aren't as poor as we thought we'd be (pleasant surprise), and we painted the bedroom (pictures to come). This is the first time I've logged onto the interwebs since Thursday...crazy.

We closed on Friday and then started cleaning. Most of the skin on my hands has melted off thanks to bleach, paint, Goo Gone, nail polish remover and floor stripper, and along they way, thanks to the same chemical cocktail, most of my brain cells are dead and I can't breathe. WORTH IT.

The spiders that previously occupied the house are in turmoil because we're removing their nests, but sorry dudes, we don't want any squatters.

I've been off work since Friday in an attempt to try to clean and get our house set up so we can live there, but we're not quite ready yet. The bedroom is painted and cleaned and my parents bought us a fancy new Queen bed, and we slept there on Sunday night. But for all intents and purposes we can't live there yet.

The appliances, all 6 of them, are getting delivered on Saturday, and hopefully hooked up by the end of the day. We're also hoping some of our man-friends will be able to help move couches and futons and dressers and tables. I'm putting a rush on this because I still want to host a little Halloween get-together.

Additionally, Sunday night, after we've gotten our room set up, and we're getting ready for bed, I started crying, and crying and crying. I should be happy! Overjoyed that I am finally sleeping in the house we've been chasing and laboring after for so long. But I felt so guilty and grateful to my parents. My mom was at the house ALL WEEKEND painting and cleaning and removing stains, and my parents bought us a bed. ALL THIS after housing us and feeding us for over 8 months. I don't know how you can adequately thank someone for that. I felt sooo indebted.

And here's the thing about my family. WE love each other, and we know it, but we don't really hug, and we don't really say sweet, lovey things. We express love by being there for each other, asking questions about their day, and just generally expressing interest in our lives. We spend tons of time together, and drink daiquiris/bloody marys together. But we don't say "I love you", and that works for us. So, here I am, unable to really put into words how MUCH I love and appreciate the work and time and money my parents have put into us...so I had a meltdown. A sobby, snotty, hysterical meltdown. And the fact that I was sobbing, the first night in our new house, made me feel even worse because Mike was trying to make me feel better.

Eventually, I calmed, after many reassurances from Mike that my parents know, and are happy to help. And finally! FINALLY! We were able to sleep in a house alone, and enjoy the quiet that comes along with it,