Red lipstick.

I am feeling lethargic, but hopeful.
I miss Mike, but I appreciate it far more when he's present.
I can't wait for the last Harry Potter, but am so sad that it is ending.
I am hungry, but too lazy to cook.
I'm super nervous about my future, but confident that everything will be just fine.

Wallow-y Blog Post :(

Remember last post when I said I was handling everything well? Today, it crashed down around my ears. Hard.

I've been sick since Tuesday, and it's been a constant annoyance. And because of it I haven't slept properly since...Tuesday.

This morning Maddie was being a bundle of nerves, and I couldn't figure out why until I went upstairs and found out that she threw up. I tried to comfort her (throwing up terrifies her) and then she threw up some more. Sorry. That's gross. But it's been awful. She's OK now and back to psychotically watching the birds out the back window.

Plus Mike is working today, and is going to go into work again on Sunday. And worked late almost every day this week. I don't know what to think of it, because he's not some brain surgeon where people die in his absence. But it makes him feel better to make sure he's ahead of the game, and apparently this is his busy season. It's just really, really hard.

I've been cleaning all morning and I hate it, and I just burdened my poor mother with a self-pitying sob-fest. I'm a mess. I feel like nothing is going right. But, I know it's not true, and everything is going to fit into place, because, well it has to. I have so many things to be excited about and to work hard for, but right now, nothing fits. It feels like I'm wearing an too-small suit.

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I've had my cry, and I've written a wallow-y blog post, so now it's time for me to buck up, buttercup and get my act together. I'm going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and whatever other cliche feel good-eries I can think of. I'm going to have some lunch, and finish cleaning and, and get in a good head space, and finally sit down and try to actually make some progress reading The Hunger Games.

A Smattering of Thoughts

I've been feeling...overwhelmed lately.
Between life changes, job restructuring, travel recovery, budgeting, various sicknesses and devastatingly hot weather I'm just feeling a little overwrought, under-slept and simply drained.

All I want to do it bake a cheesecake. But, as I told Mike in a email yesterday, I feel like that's a winter dessert, and cookies with bright summery flavors seem more appropriate.
Edit: I found FAR MORE recipes for summery cheesecakes. So many more.

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I want to do is go home and have a bonfire in my backyard with Mike. I want to cook a simple BBQ meal, and chill on our deck. And then, have some summery cookies. That I made. You know, with all the time I have on my hands. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I feel like I should meditate on winning the lottery. I was watching one of the "Lottery Changed My Life" shows on TLC, and a crazy lady claimed that's how she did it. Can't hurt, right?

Image via San Diego trip

I do not have a green thumb. I can grow flowers OK, but vegetables and herbs are out of the question. However, the flowers are questionable this year. Just ask my suffering Hydrangea. :(

I think I should eat more brie. I had it on a sandwich (turkey, brie, granny smith apple and I BELIEVE dijon mustard) and it was awesome.
Also, I want to pickle something. Probably cucumbers, resulting in...pickles.

I've written a LOT about food so far. But, day-um girlfriend is hungry.

Oddly enough - even with all this random stuff floating around, and changes taking place, and stressful situations sitting on my head, I feel SURPRISINGLY calm. Like, usually, I would cry at the drop of a hat, throw a few tantrums, but not lately. I'm handling more and more with a shoulder shrug, and acknowledging what I can't control.

Image via San Diego trip :)

Also, I used to think I was a Type A personality (and maybe once upon a time I WAS a Type A), but I now believe I am a Type B...and I took a few online tests (the most reliable kind of test *eyeroll*) and confirmed it. I scored a 23/100 on an abridged test.

You possess many of the characteristics of a Type B personality. Type B persons are characterized as having a "stop and smell the roses" attitude towards life. They are very relaxed and rarely become hostile, aggressive or competitive. Open-minded and forgiving, they are of a flexible nature. Type B persons tend to follow either an "Everybody Must Win" or "Live and Let Live" credo; they have a more passive and submissive slant to their personality. In either case, whether to fight a cause or simply stand up for themselves, Type B persons sometimes lack the drive that could help them achieve their goals. You yourself may want to work on building up some more initiative and dynamism. Otherwise, you run the risk of missing out on important opportunities. Pushing yourself and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can certainly add some spice to your life.

I took a few more and got the same result. INTERESTING. But taking those tests always send me into a weird thought-spiral of "would I REALLY do that? Or is that just what I would like to THINK I would do?" So I often doubt the validity of those tests. How can you TRUTHFULLY assess yourself. I think everyone has a slightly skewed perception of themselves.

Wants and Needs: Friday!

It's Friday! Friday!
Gotta get down on Friday!

Sure has been a while since I've done Wants and Needs, and today is the day!
Feel free to play along.

Without further ado:

Wants
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Needs
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image via my wedding

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Through the Pensieve