Friday, December 25, 2009


I wrote this gem on 12/15/05, my junior year in college during finals week.

T'was the Night Before Wasted

Twas the night before Thursday, and all in their rooms
not a female was stirring, all preparing for doom.

Their books were all opened and so were their notes
re-reading and memorizing their professors' quotes

The roommates where chained to their computer desks
The vast amount of studying had become quite grotesque

While the roomates are trapped in finals-week-hell
I had nothing to do but watch old SNL

When into my brain popped an excellent idea
"I'll rewrite this poem, with the word gonorrhea!"

I rushed to my room and opened a browser
The creative juices started flowing like, OMG WOWZA!

And what does my truly genius brain start to think
"Wow, our garbage really does fucking stink,

It's invading my room and offending my nose,
and I really feel bad for those studying hoes"

Come Friday a celebration is our ultimate goal,
With Smirnoff and Jack and Captain and Skol.

Lets go Bacardi and Grey Goose, Miller and Bud
We'll go to the bars and pick up a stud.

We'll choose a man with the same build as Claus
He'll be much younger 'cause of statutory rape laws

He'll have drunk rosy cheeks and a sexy beer belly
It won't jiggle nearly adorably as a bowl full of jelly

He'll be dressed in the appropriate douchebaggy wear,
With a popped collar pink polo and gel in his hair

He'll be pervy and horny and buy us all drinks
"getting action tonite!" that's what he thinks

With a wink of his eye, and a look up and down
We realized we should get away from this clown

We rushed to the bathroom, and soon we were free
Amen for the excuse "I have to pee"

The boys at the bars annoyed like a buzzing mosquito
This was our cue for a delicious burrito

Bar time was called and we exited fast
We saw the dude from earlier and ducked our heads as we passed

What a good way to end Fall 2005
Happy Drinking to all, and I hope all survive.

Nice. I'm quite the poet.
Have a Merry Christmas.



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