Saturday, February 25, 2012

Life Changes.

My, oh my. It has been a long time.

I've meant to blog. Oh, how I've meant to! But, life, yanno?
I've even meant to change how I write, because lately I've become obsessed with chronicling my life. Like, making sure my pictures are organized in scrapbooks and don't exist on Facebook only. To make sure I remember my interesting stories. Which is why I wanted to change how I wrote. I wanted to make sure I told stories and shared pictures here...rather than ramble-y stream-of-consciousness posts...such as this. But, I guess I have to start somewhere, yeah?

In life news...I'm pregnant. I'm due 9/2, and 13 weeks along today. It's been strange and scary and exciting. Mostly exciting. Unfortunately, I'm kind of bad at, like, doing stuff, so I haven't taken any picture of my bod. Well, one, but it was a test and I was in my underpants. And since I'm a respectable Sacred Vessel now, I think my days of posting pictures of me in my underpants on the internet are over. Plus, the only thing you can see is a belly full of farts. Yeah. You heard me. Farts.

I've felt great. NO sickeness, no heartburn. I had a few days where I woke up woozy, but some apple juice fixed me right up. I had terrible night-sweats for a week, and strangely dry eyes during the same time. But now? I realize I'm a really, REALLY lucky girl. Like, SUPER lucky. And I thank my stars for it.

This baby was totally planned (well, we planned to start in January, but got a head start and we found out on Christmas), but sometimes I still freak out. I'm mostly excited - we're starting to do nursery stuff, and collect baby things, and have conversations about names and life - but it's such an astronomical life change.

For instance, we went out with friends last night (well, I think at this point the only people reading my blog anymore ARE real life friends. HI!) and it was fun! But also, super hard. I was kind of mourning for my old life. And yeah, it's already my old life. Granted, we do have friends with a kid, but it's strange to move from one group (childless) to another (with child). Obviously, this is a process that I have to work through, and I have complete faith that I'll be fine with it - especially once the baby is born. But right now? It's still kinda hard.

I can't make long term plans for exciting events, because I genuinely have no idea what it's like to be SUPER pregnant or to be a brand new mom. Obviously my standpoint is selfish - but I've been able to be selfish for a long time. But my definition of fun is going to drastically change, and I just can't imagine what it's like on the other side, at least not yet.

Don't get me wrong, I knew all of this was coming. I totally knew my life would change, and I also knew that I was going to have to work through it. I'm not really upset, or unhappy, it's just...strange. I'm a work in progress, I guess.

Is it really bad that I'm not pretending that having a baby is all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns? I hope not, otherwise I'm going to look like a huge dick. But at the same time, no matter how wanted this baby is, and how much you look forward to this new chapter, can't you still be a little said that the existing chapter is ending? Because this last chapter was really fucking awesome, and I hope the next one tops it.


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