Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I will be over this by LUNCHTIME - swearzies

Some days I am totally comfortable in adulthood.
I look around and I am proud that at 25 I have already accomplished 4 out of the 5 milestones that mark the transition into adulthood (NY Times): I completed school, left home, became financially independent and got married.

But other times, I feel so lost and desperate, it's ridiculous.
I feel like I never have my feet on the ground, and I am hanging on by a thread. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, where I should be going and what I need to be aiming for. But these are things that no one can give me the answers to. These are things that I need to sort out for myself - and that's hard.

It's HARD to keep house, cook dinner, exercise, maintain friend and family relationships, while working 8 hours, commuting 4 (round trip) and spending time with my husband and pets. I constantly marvel at my parents, and even some of my peers and wonder, "HOW DO YOU DO IT??"

Right now, I think I'm just feeling the time and financial squeeze of a very fun and active summer (and it's not done yet). I've been going, and going, and going, and spending, and spending, and spending, and now, at the very end, I'm exhausted, drained and broke.

At this point, I need to throw in the disclaimer that my dissatisfaction is coming from a mountain of adult responsibilities that are catching up with me: I need a new bank, I need to transfer my car loan, I need to pay someone $2,000+ to fix a single panel of siding, I need to find new floors, I need to fix or replace our water softener, I need to switch our cable back, I need to take the cat to the vet.
I've really done myself a disservice by pushing all these things off in favor of more exciting social obligations. Swear on a bear that this isn't me all the time.

I need to realize that what's going on, it's not forever. I'm young, and overall I DO have my ducks in a row. I'm just a little crabby, a lot touchy, and extremely tired. I think I get a little more sensitive when I start to see kids going back to school, and I realize how much I MISS that feeling of a NEW START with a NEW YEAR. As an adult everything runs together.

On a more positive note, here's me with a mustache from the bachelorette party this past weekend:


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