Dear Ashley Version 2011...

In my last post, Brittney pointed out that I said I had a stangnant year, regardless of the fact that I DID a ton of stuff. But, here's the thing - every year since 2003, I've had some sort of milestone or dramatic event.

Let me explain:
2003: Started dating Mike, graduated HS and went away to U of Iowa
2004: Left U of Iowa, moved home, and Mike and I broke up
2005: Moved to Champaign, IL and started at U of I
2006: Moved in with BFFs and got back together with Mike
2007: Graduated college, moved in with Mike in Des Moines, moved back to IL and got my first real job
2008: Got engaged and signed my first year lease with Mike
2009: Got married, changed my name and bought a house
2010: Stayed married, stayed with my job, stayed in my house...

So, while I DID do a lot of things, as far as the big things are concerned, I maintained the status quo. But let me be clear! I am absolutely not complaining!

I think this may mean that life is leveling out, and instead of facing Big Uprooting Changes, I am working on refining what I've built and making my existence secure and comfortable and fun...before the NEXT Big Uprooting Change rolls around (kids?)

For 2011, I'm making few resolutions and one of them is to STOP making grand sweeping declarations and promises. I spent a good portion of 2010 CHANGING! MY! LIFE! and then not following through. I feel like 2011 should be spent, as I said, refining my existence. Not trying to overhaul, or force an square peg into a round hole.

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Dear Ashley Version 2011,
Please know that in order for a year to be awesome, it doesn't need to be dramatic.

Spend 2011 doing thing that bring order to your life, and make you happy. Spend 2011 making your house a home and continuing to branch out socially. Spend 2011 doing new things, and hanging onto the old things that bring you comfort and peace.

2010 was a year where you came to terms with what it means (for you) to be an adult. You learned to anticipate difficulties and stressors and to prepare accordingly. You finally understood that no matter how much of an old soul you feel like, that actually being an adult is a juggling act that takes practice - and you're feeling pretty good about it.

This is going to be a good year. Not because of any decisive actions, or huge plans, but because I am very fortunate. I am lucky to have this life, and I need to spend 2011 enjoying it.

Have a wonderful year!
xoxo
Ashley Version 2010

100th Post?

Apparently this is my 100th post. Nice job, me. I genuinely didn't think I would make it...or manage to notice it before it passed me by.

I'm snowed in today. I called in to work because it would have taken me 3 hours to get to get there, and the commute home would have been worse. Luckily, my boss has a hefty commute too, so she understands...I think.

But beyond that, in thinking about my 2010 resolutions, I've been thinking about things that I need to either change or let go of.
Most of the time, when something upsets me, I take action to change it, but there are 4 things that I am constantly talking about, and I always feel like I'm circling a drain. I need to decide whether I am going to take actual steps to change these habits or situations...and if I'm not, then I need to accept it, and move on.

1) My TV watching: I. Love. Television. But I also hate it. Oftentimes I feel like Homer Simpson, and that my ass has created a divot in the couch. When I get home from work, I look forward to curling up with a blanket and the dog and watching Fringe, Lost, Glee or something significantly less intelligent (Teen Mom! The Bachelor! American Idol! Intervention!) But I could easily fill that time with more productive endeavors. I could blog more carefully, I could read a book (though, in my defense I do read very often), I could start creating things for my pretend Etsy shop, make a nutritious dinner, DO LAUNDRY. But at the end of the night, after my soul-sucking commute, I just want to veg out.

I have concluded, that I will accept this trait, with minor alterations. I will make sure that my responsibilities (cleaning, cooking, laundry) are taken care of, BEFORE I hunker down for the night. It's NOT OK to be a slug from the moment I walk in the door. ALSO, I need to use the nights where there's garbage on TV to do something else. Read more. Start sewing. Knit. Crochet.

I am OK with using TV to relax and disconnect from my day, I just need to balance.

2) Gossiping: Sigh. When I say 'Gossip' I don't mean talking shit, for the sake of talking shit. I don't cut people down just to do it. By 'gossip' I mean the sharing of information that has not been specified as confidential. I have a very close knit group of friends, and we've been friends for nearly 12 years, so I make it a point to know what's going on with everyone, good or bad. I keep myself informed, and in turn I keep the other girls informed. I like to be a hub of information.
The reason this is up for change, is because while most of the time it is harmless, occasionally I still feel weird about it. (Duh, I just spent a paragraph justifying it...obviously it's not as innocent as I would like it to be).

I've decided that I need to scale back. Truthfully, it probably won't be much (like I said, I like to be a hub of information), but I'm going to try...

3) My commute: This is a situation where I feel very "shit or get off the pot", because I've been struggling with this for over a year. At first, my job was really stressful, and I would have had very little problem leaving for something else. However, when I got promoted in July, everything changed. I adore my boss, my coworkers are great, and the work is more interesting. But the length and stress of the commute drains me, and when I get home I just want to pass out in front of the TV. As I'm writing this, I'm starting to see that this might be the root of most evil. My commute drains me, so I don't want to do anything (Like WORK OUT...see #4, and I go home and pass out IN FRONT OF THE TV...see #1).

I think I, unfortunately, need to work to change this. This is going to be exceptionally difficult because one of my coworkers just gave two weeks notice, finding a job is tough right now, and I'm not sure where I want to go after this. HOWEVER, when WILL I know where I want to go? I would sit forever and speculate various career paths or jobs I might enjoy...but that's all it will be, speculation.

4) Working out: I'm not going to get into this. I need to work out. I need to start doing it soon. I need to get my life back on track.

This post didn't end up at all how I had hoped, but guess what? I'm lazy, so I'm not fixing it. This post is weird and awkward and probably makes me look bad, but I can live with that.